According to a study from the University of Kent, caring altruistically or being too nice can actually your status in a group, especially in the professional field.
This study “agrees” with an earlier Harvard research and proves that it is infinitely more effective –especially when you manage a team– to be warm towards others than to be “bad” and tough.
But, is it good to always be too nice?
Julia Kristina MA, RCC, a licensed therapist and life coach who focuses on treating successful professionals who find themselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or depressed, shared her view on Inc.
Is it good to trying so hard to always be pleasant, pleasing, lovely, happy, positive, only doing what other people want you to do, never speaking up because of fear, keeping yourself hidden and small behind what you think other people want or expect of you?
Of course, it’s good to treat others with kindness, care, and respect. Be considerate and thoughtful, yes –but only doing or speaking or acting in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are super nice is… needy.
Here are three reasons why:
1. Being too nice can keep you from having serious human relationships
When someone is too nice, all the time, in all circumstances, and refuses to “step foot” and show who he really is, he fatally experiences a very annoying loneliness. With this behavior, it is difficult to make real friends and associates, not only because you are boring – according to the study always, but because the human species tend not to trust those with only one face: the angelic one.
2. Being too nice all the time leads to victim mentality
If you do everything to keep everyone happy, just stop. Based on the research, this kind of behavior feeds a monster that brings you permanently to the victim’s place and doesn’t let you mature emotionally. Sometimes we have to say ‘No’. And loud, if necessary.
Managing a loud conversation is certainly harder than giving up demands that underestimate you. And, somehow, it also builds personality and relationships. For example, when others know your limits, they don’t consider you to be a sure victim.
3. Being too nice alienates us from ourselves
By constantly making favors for others, in the end, we forget who we are, the study insists. The over-effort to not hurt anyone at the end of the day leaves a very bitter taste to us.
It’s not always about you, and no, it’s not never about you. There are times and places for both.
If we never allow ourselves to play an active and equal role in our relationships or even our lives, we never give ourselves the chance to see, recognize, value, and appreciate who we really are.
So try this instead. Practice being less nice. Practice being more real and authentic with others, and true to yourself. Also, practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas even if some people may not agree with you.
Be kind, respectful, and gentle. But don’t be too nice all the time. Stop pleasing others and hiding behind excessive niceness.