We become all those things we suppress.

Whatever makes you feel shy, you hide it deep within yourself, in the unconscious. This goes deeper into your being, circulates inside your blood and guides you from behind the scenes.

If you want to suppress something, suppress something beautiful. Never suppress something that you are ashamed of, for anything you suppress goes deeper and anything you express will evaporate in the sky.

So, what makes you be ashamed, express it so that you finish with it. What is beautiful, keep it as a treasure in you so it continues to affect your life.

However, we do the opposite. What is beautiful, we express it. In fact, we express it too much. We express more than it is there. You keep saying “I love, I love, I love” and you may not mean it that much.

You always suppress anger, hate, jealousy, possessiveness, and slowly find that you have become everything you have suppressed. And then, deep guilt appears.

You don’t have to be ashamed of anything. Everything is perfect as it is. There can be no more perfect world than this one. This moment is the highlight of the whole existence. Nothing can be more perfect, so just relax and enjoy it.

Open your doors in the sun, in the air, and in the sky. Then, a new fresh air will always pass through you, new rays of the sun will always permeate you. Allow the flow of existence to penetrate you. Never be a dead end road. Otherwise, only death and dust are gathered. Just give up every perception of shame and never judge anything.

Osho / espadozero.blogspot.com

How to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

When you fail, do a mistake or things are not going as you expected, how do you feel? Do you feel sorry for yourself?

Well, it’s a normal feeling in some cases. But are you in this situation too often and for a long time?

If that’s the case, you can follow the steps below.

1. Breathe

First, calm down your mind and relax your body so you can think clearly. The simplest way to do this is to sit down and close your eyes.

Start breathing from your nose and with your belly. Focus on the air coming in and coming out. Nothing else. Follow this procedure for 1-2 minutes and immediately you will feel concentrated again.

2. Take a small look at the world (and a great look in gratitude)

Ask yourself… “Is there anyone on the planet in a worse situation than me at this moment?” This question will help you see things from another perspective. And then think about three things for which you feel grateful for and often take for granted.

The clean water, the three steady meals in your day, the roof above your head. Only the first two are enough to stop you from feeling sorry for yourself.

3. Take a look at your life

Ask yourself about the situation you are experiencing and makes you feel sorry for yourself. Will it matter to you in 5 years from now?

Will it matter in 5 weeks? Usually, the answer is no, proving that people are accustomed to seeing a mountain when the only thing ahead of us is a hill.

4. Find the opportunity or lesson in the situation you’re in

This will help you to see things in a more optimistic and constructive way. We have all seen in our lives that even the difficulties we once thought were unachievable, helped us to evolve over time. They taught us things that have either changed our lives or are a reference point in the next challenges on our way.

5. Set a time limit on yourself

An effective when you are feeling sorry for yourself is to accept it, immerse yourself in it, but within a certain timeframe. In order not to repress your feelings – something that may make them emerge later, feel them and let them pass.

For 10 minutes, let this feeling to flood you. But as soon as this time is over, start thinking practically it and start moving forward.

6. Get out of your own head by helping someone

In order not to get into a situation that actually harms you, you can become creative again by offering some help to people around you. This will make you feel good about yourself, while the pleasure in the face of the other person for the help he/she received is the best reward.

Some ways you can achieve this are either by helping someone, for example, in a move-out, by listening to their problems or simply by being kind to him/her.

7. Look into your possible future

Ask yourself: what will be the consequences if I continue to feel sorry for myself? How will my life be after one year of self-pity? After 5 years? How will this affect my relationships? What will it mean for my goals and dreams?

Write down your answers and use them as an incentive to see things positively whenever this feeling knocks on your door.

8. Create a reminder that you will see every day

For example, you can write a message on your mobile phone, “No victim thinking for 30 days,” which will pop up every morning with the help of the free Google Keep app.

Another way is to write a similar message on a paper and put it on your bedside so that it’ll be the first thing you see when you go to sleep and the first when you get up in the morning. A couple of suggestions for what to write could be:

  • It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself for 10 minutes. But then move forward and into action again.
  • What are 3 things I can be grateful for in my life but I too often take for granted?

9. Make a small plan (and proceed step by step to achieve it)

An effective way to get out of this mental state is to take small steps to change the situation.

Put on the paper everything that concerns you. End up to a plan to resolve the situation once and for all and start taking one step at a time. The success of the first step will soon lead you to the rest.

10. Ask yourself: how can I prevent getting stuck in the same trap in the future?

Finally, when you are now able to recognize the symptoms of feeling sorry for yourself, so that you can react directly to them, ask yourself what would you do differently the next time.

Think, write, and communicate your problem, and the solution will appear in front of you.

HT / The Positivity Blog

(Photo via Pexels)

22 rules that will change your life completely, by Dr. Mikhail Litvak.

Do you want to change your life? Dr. Mikhail Litvak, with a total of 30 books on the practical and popular psychology, along with a large number of scientific articles on the field of psychotherapy and psychology, is considered by many people to be one of the tops on his field.

According to him, it’s very important to look deep within yourself and your surroundings as well. Happiness and both personal and professional success are determined by what type of person you are, and how you live your life.

See below his rules on how to change your life for the better.

1. If all your actions are well planned, happiness will naturally follow.

2. Both immature and mature people have knowledge. But for the immature, its implementation is not easy, while the mature man uses it and turns it into action. That is why the former can’t do more than criticizing others.

3. Learn to live for you. Otherwise, you will always try to prove yourself to others and you will live for them.

4. No one rejects people. They just don’t all move forward at the same pace; some move faster.

5. If you want to dream, imagine realistic things and goals that can be achieved. So, you will not lose motivation.

6. You can never please everyone. And if you don’t stop trying, then you are preparing for a huge failure.

7. Instead of wasting your time with a shallow person for the sake of a company, invest it in a book. It will also be more fun.

8. He who can’t praise himself will necessarily criticize others.

9. The idea that there is a difference between male and female logic is unreasonable in itself. Whether you are wise or you aren’t.

10. If people try to make you feel guilty or grateful for their help, it is best to pay them back and let them go.

11. One who is really happy within doesn’t find it necessary for others to think positively about him.

12. Your biggest enemy is not someone lurking in the shadows waiting to be sneaked. Your biggest enemy is yourself and dealing with this enemy can be very tough.

13. If you really have an uncontrolled lust to delve into something, deepen into the details of science or philosophy, not of someone else’s personal life.

14. Do not pay attention to insults and criticism. The day you finally accomplish your goals, none of them will matter.

15. If you really want something in life, don’t wait and definitely don’t ask permission to get it. Make sure to become the one who has control over that.

16. Happiness is not something you’re chasing. It won’t be hidden somewhere outside, in some corner or in some crap. It comes from deep inside you and can only be achieved when you learn to be content within you. Develop your abilities and reflect back to your achievements.

17. Talking with friends is definitely a good thing. On the other hand, talking to your enemies is useful; it makes you more aware of your flaws and habits. It’s better to listen to your enemies than your friends.

18. Depression is bad, terrifying, and difficult. But it’s also a chance to look deep inside you and find out what drives you ahead and what’s holding you back.

19. If you have a relationship, be it a romantic bond or a business partnership, you shouldn’t end it unless you feel that your development is limited and can’t develop due to it.

20. When you talk to someone, especially for the first time, don’t be afraid to talk. They might actually think favorably of you.

21. If you are alone, especially if you experience loneliness after a relationship, it means that you are growing emotionally and spiritually. Also, being alone in some way enhances productivity.

22. Never be too selfish with your happiness. When you share it with other people, you are boosting it by making them happy too. Share your joy with your enemies, too, and let them know you feel better than them.

References:

According to a study from the University of Kent, caring altruistically or being too nice can actually your status in a group, especially in the professional field.

This study “agrees” with an earlier Harvard research and proves that it is infinitely more effective –especially when you manage a team– to be warm towards others than to be “bad” and tough.

But, is it good to always be too nice?

Julia Kristina MA, RCC, a licensed therapist and life coach who focuses on treating successful professionals who find themselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or depressed, shared her view on Inc.

Is it good to trying so hard to always be pleasant, pleasing, lovely, happy, positive, only doing what other people want you to do, never speaking up because of fear, keeping yourself hidden and small behind what you think other people want or expect of you?

Of course, it’s good to treat others with kindness, care, and respect. Be considerate and thoughtful, yes but only doing or speaking or acting in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are super nice is… needy.

Here are three reasons why:

1. Being too nice can keep you from having serious human relationships

When someone is too nice, all the time, in all circumstances, and refuses to “step foot” and show who he really is, he fatally experiences a very annoying loneliness. With this behavior, it is difficult to make real friends and associates, not only because you are boring according to the study always, but because the human species tend not to trust those with only one face: the angelic one.

2. Being too nice all the time leads to victim mentality

If you do everything to keep everyone happy, just stop. Based on the research, this kind of behavior feeds a monster that brings you permanently to the victim’s place and doesn’t let you mature emotionally. Sometimes we have to say ‘No’. And loud, if necessary.

Managing a loud conversation is certainly harder than giving up demands that underestimate you. And, somehow, it also builds personality and relationships. For example, when others know your limits, they don’t consider you to be a sure victim.

3. Being too nice alienates us from ourselves

By constantly making favors for others, in the end, we forget who we are, the study insists. The over-effort to not hurt anyone at the end of the day leaves a very bitter taste to us.

It’s not always about you, and no, it’s not never about you. There are times and places for both.

If we never allow ourselves to play an active and equal role in our relationships or even our lives, we never give ourselves the chance to see, recognize, value, and appreciate who we really are.

So try this instead. Practice being less nice. Practice being more real and authentic with others, and true to yourself. Also, practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas even if some people may not agree with you.

Be kind, respectful, and gentle. But don’t be too nice all the time. Stop pleasing others and hiding behind excessive niceness.

We have all experienced it, being around someone who has either taken an instant dislike to us, or a bizarre resentment suddenly appears in those we have known for some time.

There may be no clear reason for this change in their behavior. No matter whether they try to hide their feelings or not, an Empath can sense their loathing and it does not feel good!

Someone taking a dislike to another is a completely normal and acceptable part of life. We are all different and there will always be some people we do not get along with, whether Sensitive or not.

What is often baffling to the Empath is why some people act in an animistic way towards them, when they know they are a likable and trustworthy person.

Now other than the fact that some people will always want to take away the light of those who shine, I have come to discover there are three other reasons why people either cool off or take an instant dislike towards the Empath and they are:

  • They Act as a Mirror
  • Their Vibration is too Fast
  • Their Stillness is Wrongly Interpreted

Reflecting Back

It is common for people to act inauthentically. They hide who they are because they don’t like aspects of their personality. An Empath has the ability to reflect this back to them.

There are some who hide aspects of their personality to manipulate others. But the majority who act inauthentically do so to fit in.

The fear of being judged or disliked, for what they don’t like about themselves, makes some wear a mask of inauthenticity. Even those of a Sensitive nature put on a face when out in the world. There are some, however, who never remove their mask, going through life with a false identity.

When one comes face to face with an Empath there is no hiding from these concealed traits; the mask comes off. The traits they have worked hard to hide or deny are now waved in their face. This often causes ill-feelings to be directed towards the Empath.

Because being around an Empath can bring up anything buried, it may cause a strong loathing to develop in others. However, what those who experience this ‘loathing’ don’t realize is the intense dislike they have, towards the Empath, is simply a reflection of their shadow-side. Anything hidden becomes seen within the ‘Mirror of the Empath’.

The Mirror Effect

Because an Empath picks up on other people’s emotions, hidden behaviors, and true personality traits, they can take them on and thus project them back out to their rightful owner. They can wear other people’s truth like the mask they hide behind; even if they are unaware they are doing it.

Anything hidden, such as an insecurity, suppressed shame, guilt or anger, builds the longer it is left buried. If someone has traits they don’t like about themselves, they are reminded of them when in an Empath’s presence. This is one reason why instant dislikes can form towards an Empath.

If this has been your experience, it could well be that you are reflecting back to them the truth they deny. Or there could be another reason.

Your Vibration is too Fast

Just like an Empath’s need not to be around people who spew negativity, there are some who cannot stand to be around those who vibrate a clean energy.

When you work on yourself and make any positive changes to your mind, body or spirit, you become cleaner and purer. This can cause rejection from those who need to be around low-level vibrations.

You may have also noticed that when in an emotionally low place, some friends prefer you that way. Yet when you make changes and put yourself in a high vibrating space, those same friends don’t like it. They may try to bring you back down and extinguish your inner-light and happiness.

Vibrating in a higher space can repel even those you love. People sense change, whether it is visually apparent or not. And they feel when another has changed or stepped up their frequency.

Not everyone is ready to raise their vibration. Some still have lessons to learn at their level and are not ready to move forward. And because they are not ready, they may try to draw you back down.

Also, if you don’t feel like a fit to them anymore, it may cause hostility towards you and another reason they are repelled.

Your Stillness is Wrongly Interpreted

To those of an insecure nature, your quiet, and sometimes distant, ways are often seen as a form of disrespect or a snub.

Because at times, you may appear aloof some may consider this to be superior behavior. Wrongly assuming you believe you are in some way above them.

Normally, when an Empath acts in an aloof or distant way, it is because they are on overload.

When having taken on too much stimuli from their surroundings and are in serious need of recharging, the Empath wants nothing more than to be invisible to others.

And when heading towards a fatigue meltdown, the last thing an Empath can deal with is someone offloading their troubles, like so many like to do. Even polite conversation is too much. This is often interpreted as a rejection or an insult.

Because others don’t feel what an Empath feels, it is difficult for them to understand why they have to withdraw the way they do.

Sadly, the more insecure someone is, the more they are offended by your quiet ways. If they see you as blowing hot and cold, they may consider this as disrespect and reject you as a way to hurt you.

So, if someone develops an aversion towards you, for no good reason, remember not to take it personally. It is just the Mirror of the Empath at work.

If you would like to learn more about the ways of an Empath and how to harness your incredible power, you may want to read 7 Secrets of the Sensitive. It could transform your life!

Hope this helps on your Empath journey.

By Diane Kathrine at Empaths Empowered.