Do you want to have a successful relationship and find it difficult to achieve? These strategies, if applied properly, will make it easier to you.
Good, stable relationships are rare in today’s world. Most people are either looking for the ‘next best thing’ or willing to give up on the love of their life over a few harsh words directed their way. It’s time people grow up. A successful relationship takes commitment, communication and a REAL effort to succeed. Which most people aren’t willing to give due to the rise of ‘tinder’ and other such apps which make sex and love so easy to find and yet so easy to take for granted.
People have become jaded. No one can mean as much to them as they mean to themselves, so they shun and laugh at relationships and even, god forbid, marriage! I’m too free! I want to live my own life! I don’t want to be controlled! Well, if you want to live the rest of your life alone, with the occasional one night stand, then keep doing what you’re doing!
If instead, you actually want to build a successful relationship or reinforce your current one, follow the strategies below:
1. Be willing to make the effort
So many conflicts in relationships go unresolved due to the fact that neither party is willing to even let each other make their point, scared of what the other might say, scared that their fragile little ego will be hurt if they listen to their criticisms. But you have to listen to their criticisms or how else will these conflicts be resolved? You must leave your ego at the door when you are actively trying to engage your partner in resolving whatever may be bothering them. Always be willing to listen to your partner’s concerns, whatever they may be! You can disagree later on if you have to, AFTER you have heard what they have said.
2. Support each other’s goals
Take the time to understand what they are trying to do with their life and learn how you can better support them to achieve their goals. Not only will this create a greater bond between the two of you, it will also alleviate some of the day-to-day stresses of life by knowing that you both have that support available whenever you need it.
Try and really listen when they are talking to you, and ESPECIALLY when they are arguing with you! When someone shouts at you, it’s because they feel they are not being heard and so they speak louder in the hope that they will be heard. If a negative or hurtful comment is thrown your way, stop yourself from throwing one back and ask them why they are REALLY upset. If it’s anything you have done, apologize!
4. People make mistakes
They may say something out of anger or frustration that they don’t really mean. This doesn’t mean that they ‘hate you’ or that they are a terrible person. It just means what it means. They were angry or frustrated and these emotions boiled to the surface in your direction. Don’t take it personally and above all don’t take it seriously!
5. Learning what they want at the moment
This can take some time to discover if you are new to this relationship but with a little empathy, you can easily discern what they are looking for at any given time. When they are talking about something annoying that has happened to them or are frustrated with something about their life ask yourself “Are they looking for practical advice or sympathy?”, “Are they looking for encouragement or support?” or “Are they looking for attention and physical affection?”
6. Always be respectful
Be respectful of your partner at all times, even when you are arguing! You still love them even if you’re disagreeing with them at the time. If you are not respectful, you will only push them further away. Think of it this way, a fire breaks out in your apartment in the middle of an argument, do you try to escape without your partner? Of course, you don’t. Think about this scenario next time you are arguing to put things in perspective. Sometimes you will never agree with a certain viewpoint, but it doesn’t matter. As long as you respect your partner enough to allow them to believe whatever they to want to believe.
7. Stop being controlling
You either trust someone or you don’t. Acting like a control freak will never build a successful relationship, no matter how much you believe it will or how much your friends tell you it will. Remember, ignore the friends! If you don’t trust your partner, talk to them about it and try to build trust.
8. Ask for advice (From them!)
If you’re feeling lost, ask your partner for advice! Ask them if there’s anything they’re not happy about in the relationship and (if you think it is reasonable) seek to resolve it. Also, ask them to tell you if they are feeling vulnerable or upset at a certain time, so you know to be more careful with your words and to offer a little more support when it’s needed.
9. Always be a team
It should be you and your partner against the world! Not you, your partner, your parents, your siblings and your friends from the bar. They should be your priority, always. No compromises on this one.
10. Never discuss your relationship problems with friends or family
This goes against everything the modern world has to say about relationships but I encourage you to read on and take this to heart. There are two reasons why you should never discuss your relationship problems with your family:
- Your family won’t understand. The only thing friends and family will do is make things worse by automatically taking your side and telling you ‘you are correct!’ (whether you are correct or not). All this does is create more conflict, making you believe you have the right to be angry or upset. But how do they know? Have they had a relationship with your partner for as long as you have? Follow your own inner intuition, coupled with a bit of common sense and you’ll do fine.
- Talking to your family and friends about your partner’s negative aspects will turn those people against your partner. They will believe everything you tell them and nothing your partner tells them, out of loyalty to you. While this can feel like good support at the time, ultimately it will only damage your relationship further in the long-term. Every time they hear something bad your partner has done (from you), they will reinforce the negative image you have created of your partner, whether this image is correct or not.
11. Let your guard down and be truthful (without being angry)
The hardest one of all, even if they are verbally attacking you, let your guard down. This is when real progress takes place and you create the building blocks for a successful relationship. Even though it may hurt your ego like we discussed earlier, be honest, be truthful and be real with each other. There’s no other way to sort out serious problems in a relationship. Go through it, deal with it and don’t leave their presence until the conflict has been resolved.
Follow the above strategies and you are guaranteed to have a more fulfilling and successful relationship. It may take a bit of work to change your thinking initially, but stick with it and the changes you see will be incredible.
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