According to a study from the University of Kent, caring altruistically or being too nice can actually your status in a group, especially in the professional field.

This study “agrees” with an earlier Harvard research and proves that it is infinitely more effective –especially when you manage a team– to be warm towards others than to be “bad” and tough.

But, is it good to always be too nice?

Julia Kristina MA, RCC, a licensed therapist and life coach who focuses on treating successful professionals who find themselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or depressed, shared her view on Inc.

Is it good to trying so hard to always be pleasant, pleasing, lovely, happy, positive, only doing what other people want you to do, never speaking up because of fear, keeping yourself hidden and small behind what you think other people want or expect of you?

Of course, it’s good to treat others with kindness, care, and respect. Be considerate and thoughtful, yes but only doing or speaking or acting in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are super nice is… needy.

Here are three reasons why:

1. Being too nice can keep you from having serious human relationships

When someone is too nice, all the time, in all circumstances, and refuses to “step foot” and show who he really is, he fatally experiences a very annoying loneliness. With this behavior, it is difficult to make real friends and associates, not only because you are boring according to the study always, but because the human species tend not to trust those with only one face: the angelic one.

2. Being too nice all the time leads to victim mentality

If you do everything to keep everyone happy, just stop. Based on the research, this kind of behavior feeds a monster that brings you permanently to the victim’s place and doesn’t let you mature emotionally. Sometimes we have to say ‘No’. And loud, if necessary.

Managing a loud conversation is certainly harder than giving up demands that underestimate you. And, somehow, it also builds personality and relationships. For example, when others know your limits, they don’t consider you to be a sure victim.

3. Being too nice alienates us from ourselves

By constantly making favors for others, in the end, we forget who we are, the study insists. The over-effort to not hurt anyone at the end of the day leaves a very bitter taste to us.

It’s not always about you, and no, it’s not never about you. There are times and places for both.

If we never allow ourselves to play an active and equal role in our relationships or even our lives, we never give ourselves the chance to see, recognize, value, and appreciate who we really are.

So try this instead. Practice being less nice. Practice being more real and authentic with others, and true to yourself. Also, practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas even if some people may not agree with you.

Be kind, respectful, and gentle. But don’t be too nice all the time. Stop pleasing others and hiding behind excessive niceness.

We have all experienced it, being around someone who has either taken an instant dislike to us, or a bizarre resentment suddenly appears in those we have known for some time.

There may be no clear reason for this change in their behavior. No matter whether they try to hide their feelings or not, an Empath can sense their loathing and it does not feel good!

Someone taking a dislike to another is a completely normal and acceptable part of life. We are all different and there will always be some people we do not get along with, whether Sensitive or not.

What is often baffling to the Empath is why some people act in an animistic way towards them, when they know they are a likable and trustworthy person.

Now other than the fact that some people will always want to take away the light of those who shine, I have come to discover there are three other reasons why people either cool off or take an instant dislike towards the Empath and they are:

  • They Act as a Mirror
  • Their Vibration is too Fast
  • Their Stillness is Wrongly Interpreted

Reflecting Back

It is common for people to act inauthentically. They hide who they are because they don’t like aspects of their personality. An Empath has the ability to reflect this back to them.

There are some who hide aspects of their personality to manipulate others. But the majority who act inauthentically do so to fit in.

The fear of being judged or disliked, for what they don’t like about themselves, makes some wear a mask of inauthenticity. Even those of a Sensitive nature put on a face when out in the world. There are some, however, who never remove their mask, going through life with a false identity.

When one comes face to face with an Empath there is no hiding from these concealed traits; the mask comes off. The traits they have worked hard to hide or deny are now waved in their face. This often causes ill-feelings to be directed towards the Empath.

Because being around an Empath can bring up anything buried, it may cause a strong loathing to develop in others. However, what those who experience this ‘loathing’ don’t realize is the intense dislike they have, towards the Empath, is simply a reflection of their shadow-side. Anything hidden becomes seen within the ‘Mirror of the Empath’.

The Mirror Effect

Because an Empath picks up on other people’s emotions, hidden behaviors, and true personality traits, they can take them on and thus project them back out to their rightful owner. They can wear other people’s truth like the mask they hide behind; even if they are unaware they are doing it.

Anything hidden, such as an insecurity, suppressed shame, guilt or anger, builds the longer it is left buried. If someone has traits they don’t like about themselves, they are reminded of them when in an Empath’s presence. This is one reason why instant dislikes can form towards an Empath.

If this has been your experience, it could well be that you are reflecting back to them the truth they deny. Or there could be another reason.

Your Vibration is too Fast

Just like an Empath’s need not to be around people who spew negativity, there are some who cannot stand to be around those who vibrate a clean energy.

When you work on yourself and make any positive changes to your mind, body or spirit, you become cleaner and purer. This can cause rejection from those who need to be around low-level vibrations.

You may have also noticed that when in an emotionally low place, some friends prefer you that way. Yet when you make changes and put yourself in a high vibrating space, those same friends don’t like it. They may try to bring you back down and extinguish your inner-light and happiness.

Vibrating in a higher space can repel even those you love. People sense change, whether it is visually apparent or not. And they feel when another has changed or stepped up their frequency.

Not everyone is ready to raise their vibration. Some still have lessons to learn at their level and are not ready to move forward. And because they are not ready, they may try to draw you back down.

Also, if you don’t feel like a fit to them anymore, it may cause hostility towards you and another reason they are repelled.

Your Stillness is Wrongly Interpreted

To those of an insecure nature, your quiet, and sometimes distant, ways are often seen as a form of disrespect or a snub.

Because at times, you may appear aloof some may consider this to be superior behavior. Wrongly assuming you believe you are in some way above them.

Normally, when an Empath acts in an aloof or distant way, it is because they are on overload.

When having taken on too much stimuli from their surroundings and are in serious need of recharging, the Empath wants nothing more than to be invisible to others.

And when heading towards a fatigue meltdown, the last thing an Empath can deal with is someone offloading their troubles, like so many like to do. Even polite conversation is too much. This is often interpreted as a rejection or an insult.

Because others don’t feel what an Empath feels, it is difficult for them to understand why they have to withdraw the way they do.

Sadly, the more insecure someone is, the more they are offended by your quiet ways. If they see you as blowing hot and cold, they may consider this as disrespect and reject you as a way to hurt you.

So, if someone develops an aversion towards you, for no good reason, remember not to take it personally. It is just the Mirror of the Empath at work.

If you would like to learn more about the ways of an Empath and how to harness your incredible power, you may want to read 7 Secrets of the Sensitive. It could transform your life!

Hope this helps on your Empath journey.

By Diane Kathrine at Empaths Empowered.

People are different and difficult. There are times when we are left wondering if someone is being nice because they mean it or if they have ulterior motives and the niceness is fake.

Here are a few ways you can spot the differences between fake and genuine people.

1. Action vs Words

People who are genuine always mean what they say and that can be seen in their actions. When they make a promise, they make sure they stay true to their word and always deliver, no matter what. Fake people, on the other hand, are all talk and no task. They use their words to manipulate people but never act on them.

2. Hard to Impress vs Easy to Impress

Genuine people are harsh judges and are a tad bit hard to impress. They have rock-solid opinions and beliefs and make these things known. They are not afraid to be who they are. Fake people are easy to impress. They will exaggerate about how great something is because they want advantages out of every situation. They will lie so that they are in everyone’s good books.

3. Humility vs Boasting

Fake people will always go on and on about whatever they do or achieve, no matter how small the thing might be just because they want attention. Genuine people do not feel the need to talk about anything they do, even if it’s something big because they are very secure individuals who don’t attend.

4. Look out vs Look down

Fake people love bringing other people down and only value people who can help them in some way, as I said; there is always an ulterior motive. Otherwise, they treat everyone like they are beneath them. Whereas, genuine people do not treat anyone like they are better than them because they have respect for everyone, as they know that at the end of the day, we are all humans.

5. To the Face vs Behind your Back

One of the most admirable qualities about genuine people is that they are the same on your face and behind your back. If they do not like you, they will be the one to tell you and not anyone else. Fake people may act like your best friend on your face but will be saying terrible things behind your back without flinching even once.

6. Unconditional Help vs Ulterior Motives

Fake people will only help you if you can give them something in return. They will never go out of the way to do a friend a favour if they know that they will not get anything in return in any way. This is completely the opposite of genuine people because if a near and dear one asks for their help, they will do everything in their power without expecting anything in return.

Source: truthinsideofyou.org

A person who tends to over-eat, over-spend, borrow excessive money, procrastinate, smoke often, drink a lot or worse, abuse substances, risk catching himself in a spiral of more complicated problems brought by self-destructive behavior. Faced with so many distractions and stress in the daily life, it is very hard for some people to gain self-control.

Self-destructive behavior is defined as the intentional or subconscious way that man causes physical or psychological harm to himself as he deals with overwhelming emotions or physical or psychological trauma. When it escalates, self-destructive behavior is fatal.

The common signs of self-destructive behaviors among people include:

  1. Breaking down of relationships
  2. Preferring to be alone
  3. Exhibiting excessive personal control
  4. Lying or self-denial and hiding behaviors in secret
  5. Suicide attempts

Experts view self-destructive behaviors as something caused by various psychosocial factors like the person’s fear of facing a challenge; fear of committing to a relationship; fear of rejection; poor self-esteem; lack of control over actions; lack of psychosocial support; and unhealthy coping mechanisms in times of stress. These factors are tied to childhood histories of trauma that were neglected.

Around 16.1 million American reportedly experienced major depression in 2014. Those suffering from depression often find themselves struggling to perform normal functions as they face despair.

To help people cope with depression, which oftentimes leads to alcohol and substance abuse, a lot of government and non-government facilities offer antidepressant medication and talk therapy. But for some, these interventions are found ineffective. That’s why alternative and holistic drug rehab or interventions for depression are now becoming more popular. These types of interventions include dance or movement therapy, art therapy, leisure and recreational skills, and yoga and meditation. The key objective is to find something that will offer the patient the ability to express himself and gain self-control.

What is Meditation: A Brief Introduction

Meditation refers to a technique where one can achieve a clear and calm mental and emotional state. It traces its roots to the culture originating in the Eastern part of the world, including India, Tibet, China, and Japan. However, the west has also adopted the practice as a therapeutic intervention.

Many studies were done to analyze how meditation help with various conditions like pain, psychological disorders or high blood pressure. For instance, there is an ongoing study that is expected to last until 2019. Researchers affiliated with Harvard started a study that measured the changes in the brain regions related to memory, sense of self, empathy, and stress, after an eight-week meditation program. The study is expected to last until 2019.

The study analyzed the magnetic resonance imaging scans before and after the eight-week course on mindfulness-based cognitive therapy or MCBT. The scans were taken while the respondents were doing their daily tasks.  But experts are already noting that meditation was found effective among the respondents who are diagnosed as clinically depressed.

How Meditation Works Help to Self-Control

Meditation’s effect can be divided into:

  1. Therapeutic changes or lasting changes in the person’s behavior and traits; and
  2. Immediate experiences during the state of meditation

The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) compiled some research which suggests that meditation may change the brain and the body physically which is potential for improving once health and in promoting healthy behaviors.

For instance, researchers in 2012 found that the brain images of those who practiced meditation have more folds in the outer layer, a process called gyrification. This process is found to help increase the brain’s ability to process information.

Another study, funded by the NCCIH, found that meditation has effects on the activity of the amygdala, the brain’s region that is involved in processing emotions. The study also suggests that different types of meditations can affect the amygdala in different ways. In some studies, researchers suggest that meditation can activate some areas of the brain when the person responds to pain.

When a person has self-destructive behavior he manifests lack of control and the inability to process the effects and relationships between behavior and the reality. These researches can add to the resources that show how meditation can help a person to exercise self-control and respond more effectively to challenges.

How to Handle Self-Destructive Desires With Meditation

When a person experiences a lack of self-control due to extreme stress or the feeling of helplessness, meditation offers a calming environment for the brain and the emotion to process responses and behavior. It allows the person to be mindful of the situation and trains the brain for self-control.

Meditation can help the brain’s pre-frontal cortex which affects self-regulation, decision-making, and processing attention. High stress decreases the pre-frontal cortex capability and meditation can help get back the cortex on track.

Here are some of the exercises you can try to train your brain to relax and activate rational thinking:

  • Stop what you are doing and take deep breaths for five minutes daily;
  • Close your eyes and notice what you feel inside;
  • Let your emotions and thoughts be free and acknowledge these thoughts and emotions;
  • Notice it when your strong emotions subside; and
  • Redirect your thoughts on your desired focus.

What to Do When Meditation is Not Enough

If meditation is not enough for a person who is experiencing self-destructive behaviors, the individual or his family may opt to seek help from centers that offers both medicated and alternative treatments. Self-destructive behaviors are dangerous and can be fatal as this could lead to depression, severe substance abuse disorder or suicide. Holistic drug rehab and other alternative interventions can complement antidepressant or addiction treatment medications.

Although researchers are looking for a much wider range of variables to be examined, the use of meditation as a subjective practice have presented potential efficacy in changing the brain’s activities. Meditation is also a practice that is considered to be safe for healthy people as those with physical impairments may be limited to participating in meditative practices that do not involve any movement.

About the Author

Patrick Bailey is a professional writer mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He writes for https://www.eliterehabplacement.com, a no-cost, full service, drug and alcohol rehab assistance provider. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoy writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them. Follow him on Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+.

What are the characteristics of irresistibly charming people?

Neither money, nor knowledge, nor the social status, nor the external appearance plays a role when one person wants to approach another and communicate effectively with him.

Today, human relationships suffer and there are not few who feel that the magic of contact has been lost. But, what is it that is missing? Perhaps, the good relationship with ourselves. It is an effort to bring your own good to what you do, to smile at the difficulties, to be sure of yourself. It is worthwhile, however, to do this effort and change our attitude toward life.

People who fascinate us are still around us and make our days beautiful. Travis Bradberry revealed at Forbes the secrets of irresistibly charming people – those who are charming without effort and give us many reasons to want them in our lives.

1. They are gentle

Charming people gentle: under whatever circumstances, wherever they are, whoever they have before them (their family, their partner, their friend, the person who serves them, the stranger they meet on the street). Their gentle attitude is not changing by the situations. The irresistibly charming person always behaves with respect.

2. They have flexibility in their behavior

Irresistibly charming people do not follow the rule of “Treat others as you want to be treated” (this rule conceals one mistake: it means that everyone wants to accept the same behaviors, they all have the same personality). The rule that they follow is “Treat others as they want to be treated” – adapt your behavior to the different shades that a person’s personality can have towards you.

3. They mostly engage in essential conversations

They love deep conversations and do not make “automated” questions. They want to get in touch with the people around them, showing genuine interest.

4. They focus on people more than anything else

They are focused when they discuss. For example, they are not attached to the screen of their mobile, and they are not obsessed over how well they’re liked. They make the people around them feel safe and confident.

5. They do not show off their knowledge and skills

The irresistibly charming people according to Travis Bradberry do not need to show off their abilities, their achievements, their successes, their knowledge. They believe that these do not concern those who they discuss with.

6. They are not stubborn

They believe that everyone has his/her point of view and this should be respected. They should listen to it with attention. Charming people are open to new views and perspectives.

7. They are authentic

They know who they are and avoid fake behaviors. They are spontaneously expressed and hate lies. They want to inspire confidence and prestige.

8. They are honest

Dignity and honesty are the basic values of their lives. They do not speak badly about others, they dislike gossip, and are fair.

9. They smile

Smile is a steady value of their lives. They want to make the person they’re talking to feel comfortable.

10. They try to look their best

They are not trying to appear just as the “good guys.” They try to make themselves look their best and give their positive energy to others, because they respect them.

11. They feel gratitude for what they have and love life as it is

They are positive and passionate about things. They do not lose their courage in the face of obstacles and difficulties and believe that a bad day does not mean a bad life. They are optimistic and believe that tomorrow or the next week will be better.