According to a study from the University of Kent, caring altruistically or being too nice can actually your status in a group, especially in the professional field.

This study “agrees” with an earlier Harvard research and proves that it is infinitely more effective –especially when you manage a team– to be warm towards others than to be “bad” and tough.

But, is it good to always be too nice?

Julia Kristina MA, RCC, a licensed therapist and life coach who focuses on treating successful professionals who find themselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or depressed, shared her view on Inc.

Is it good to trying so hard to always be pleasant, pleasing, lovely, happy, positive, only doing what other people want you to do, never speaking up because of fear, keeping yourself hidden and small behind what you think other people want or expect of you?

Of course, it’s good to treat others with kindness, care, and respect. Be considerate and thoughtful, yes but only doing or speaking or acting in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are super nice is… needy.

Here are three reasons why:

1. Being too nice can keep you from having serious human relationships

When someone is too nice, all the time, in all circumstances, and refuses to “step foot” and show who he really is, he fatally experiences a very annoying loneliness. With this behavior, it is difficult to make real friends and associates, not only because you are boring according to the study always, but because the human species tend not to trust those with only one face: the angelic one.

2. Being too nice all the time leads to victim mentality

If you do everything to keep everyone happy, just stop. Based on the research, this kind of behavior feeds a monster that brings you permanently to the victim’s place and doesn’t let you mature emotionally. Sometimes we have to say ‘No’. And loud, if necessary.

Managing a loud conversation is certainly harder than giving up demands that underestimate you. And, somehow, it also builds personality and relationships. For example, when others know your limits, they don’t consider you to be a sure victim.

3. Being too nice alienates us from ourselves

By constantly making favors for others, in the end, we forget who we are, the study insists. The over-effort to not hurt anyone at the end of the day leaves a very bitter taste to us.

It’s not always about you, and no, it’s not never about you. There are times and places for both.

If we never allow ourselves to play an active and equal role in our relationships or even our lives, we never give ourselves the chance to see, recognize, value, and appreciate who we really are.

So try this instead. Practice being less nice. Practice being more real and authentic with others, and true to yourself. Also, practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas even if some people may not agree with you.

Be kind, respectful, and gentle. But don’t be too nice all the time. Stop pleasing others and hiding behind excessive niceness.

It’s not just mumbo-jumbo: visualize your positive future and you’ll have an easier time reaching that peak performance. There’s a science to visualization that runs much deeper than reading a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

How? Studies have shown that concentrated visualization efforts work because your subconscious mind does not like the conflict that exists between your current situation and what you’re visualizing. It will try to resolve that conflict and move toward your visualized reality. Your subconscious is like the mediator, trying to arbitrate for a way to get to what you’re seeing.

Your subconscious programs your brain to start opening your awareness to resources that are already around you to resolve the conflict. It does this through the RAS section of your brain (short for reticular activating system). The RAS section acts like a giant filter that basically chooses which stimuli you notice and which stimuli you don’t.

Have you ever learned a new word and then all the sudden you hear that word three or four times throughout the day? That’s your subconscious and RAS allowing the new word to now filter through.

This new allowance filtering means your subconscious mind actively starts to use resources to create solutions to resolve the conflict. You’re seeing opportunities all around you now because you have a focused vision about where you want to go and your subconscious wants to get you there ASAP. All of a sudden, you start remembering old contacts and overhearing ideal conversations you need. Just like that.

With the awareness and solutions starting to marinate and little accomplishments and synchronicities popping up all over the place, your subconscious starts creating new levels of motivation. The first little step of conflict resolution felt so good, it wants another one! And then another, and another, and… you get the big picture.

By now you should be perking up and paying close attention. However, you’re an entrepreneur, you’re smart, you want some case studies, right?

Ever hear of Natan Sharansky? He was a U.S. computer specialist who spent almost 10 years in prison in the USSR after being accused of spying. As you can imagine, there isn’t much to do for nine years in a USSR solitary confinement cell, so he decided he had to focus on something to keep himself sane. In an interview after his release, he said he decided to start playing chess against himself in his own mind. If that’s not brilliant enough, he focused all his energy into believing he could be the best. He said, “I might as well use the opportunity to become the world champion!” Remarkably, in 1996, a free Sharansky beat world champion chess player Garry Kasparov.

Pro-athletes are also famous for visualizing success. Golfers are particularly apt to do it, which makes sense given the highly mental nature of the strategic game they play. Tiger Woods claims to have been using it since his pre-teen years. So does world champion golfer Jack Nicklaus, who has said, “I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp in-focus picture of it in my head.”

Related: The Extraordinary Power of Visualizing Success

Maybe it works for prisoners and pro-golfers, but what about entrepreneurs like you and I?

Sara Blakely, the billionaire entrepreneur and founder of Spanx, is a fan of visualization. “I believe you can take mental snapshots of your future and what success looks like to you,” she has said. “If you mentally see yourself in a scenario, you’ll start to make decisions in your life that get you there.”

Of course, it takes action to back up your visualization, but if you know where you want to go, it’s very likely you can trick your subconscious into getting you there.

Original source: Entrepreneur

About the author

Matthew Toren is a serial entrepreneur, mentor, investor and co-founder of YoungEntrepreneur.com. He is co-author, with his brother Adam, of Kidpreneurs and Small Business, BIG Vision: Lessons on How to Dominate Your Market from Self-Made Entrepreneurs Who Did it Right (Wiley).

What are the habits that drive us away from achieving success?

We all have bad habits and that’s perfectly normal. But some of these habits may be the reason why your career or your personal life does not evolve the way you want.

Here are 11 habits that may prevent you from achieving success:

1. You are not saying your opinion

Society teaches us to be obedient and not to break the rules. But, if you don’t take risks and don’t say your point of view, don’t expect something exciting to happen to you. Make yourself heard and do not be afraid to express your point of view.

2. You are always late

A successful man is trustworthy and very devoted, so if you have the habit of being late, no one will take you seriously. According to a San Francisco University study, continuous lag is related to anxiety and low self-esteem.

3. You hold grudges

If you keep grudges, all you do is filling yourself with negative thoughts and feelings. In fact, keeping such intense feelings within you can cause health issues.

4. You conform

If you believe absolute compliance will lead you to success and increase your popularity, you are wrong. Every time you choose to follow others, you lose great opportunities. Don’t be a conformist!

5. You are wasteful

Do you often end up with an empty wallet and over-indebted credit cards? This can be a reflection of your financial future. Finances are very important and the proper organization and management of money show a responsible person.

6. You procrastinate

People who procrastinate lose opportunities because they fail to complete their job they undertake in time. They harm their reputation because they are inconsistent.

7. You are not honest

Lying can become addictive and one lie leads to the other. Soon, you will be trapped in a vicious cycle that you won’t be able to escape from. The solution? Be honest from the beginning. Sometimes it can be annoying when you see others succeeding through lies, but the satisfaction of a success based on the truth is much greater.

8. You whine

It is good to say what you are thinking, especially when there is something that bothers you, but you should not be exaggerated. People have the habit of avoiding those who grumble and criticizing others all the time.

9. You push people away

The key to success is to have a large contact network that could save you from future problems. The road to achieving success can be long and difficult, but with a little help, it can become easier and enjoyable.

10. You don’t take care of yourself

Always take care of yourself to be healthy. Stress can become your worst enemy, so don’t let the bustle of everyday life stop you from eating healthy foods or exercising.

11. You don’t practice body language

Good first impressions are very important, but the same is true for the second and third. Your body speaks more than your words. Learn to behave like a reliable and confident man. Always keep eye contact with the person you are talking to and have a straight posture.

H/T: Business Insider

Making financial mistakes as a freelancer is normal, especially if you are not experienced.

More people than ever are working today as freelancers, enjoying the freedom and flexibility that come with setting your own hours and being your own boss. The benefits of freelance work are evident at a first glance, but the downsides may not be the same.

Some view freelancing as a way of making more money than ever without having to listen to the nagging voice of a superior all day. However, working for yourself comes with an entirely new brand of responsibilities that cannot be ignored or delayed. Here are five of the most common financial mistakes that every freelancer makes.

1. Not Being Organized

Even for freelancers, costs that are entailed by cell phone or internet service can be deducted from the taxable income. Most people either do not know this or cannot keep track of their spending in order to lower their costs.

Being a freelancer is firstly about perpetually learning new things. How to be organized enough to know where your money is only one of them. Toward this purpose, a proper filling system has to be in place in order to save the freelancer of the hassle of continually keeping track of everything. Secondly, being organized is about self-discipline. Without a boss or an overseer, you must manage your own hours, pushing any distraction safely away for the duration of your self-set work hours.

2. Emergency & Retirement Fund

Working as a freelancer has its perks, but it also means that the cash flow will be sporadic. This can make saving – either for an emergency or for your retirement – extremely hard to do.

First of all, an emergency fund is something that most people, irrespective of being freelancers or not, should have. For a freelancer dependent on his clients, such a fund is even more important as it can get you through periods of the month when work is scant.

Setting up a retirement fund early on is essential for the quality of life that you will have later in life. Connected to a responsible fiscal behavior, setting some money aside each month for old age can be a difficult habit to maintain, especially when you are hampered by other, immediate costs.

However, both the emergency and retirement fund serve as safety nets for you, the self-standing freelancer. You do not enjoy the cushion of a severance package or the safety of a monthly paycheck. If your ingenuity serves you well in your field of work, it should be applied to your financial practices as well.

3. Not Getting Insurance

Company-given health insurance is another thing that you forget when you work as a freelancer. Totally up more profit, some freelancers willingly refrain from buying health insurance for themselves, thinking of it as just another cost that can be cut.

However, for a freelancer, a serious health issue can be financially disastrous. Preventing you from working, it can engulf a significant amount of money and cause you to lose important clients. As you cannot simply take time off from your work, not having health insurance can end up setting you back for more money than it would cost to simply pay each month for it.

4. Wrongly Doing Your Taxes

As a freelancer, your income is not fixed, making reporting and estimating your taxes on a quarterly basis a complicated business. Immediate costs, like electricity, gas or the internet bills can seem more important than setting aside money for the IRS.

However, this can be treated as another problem of fiscal responsibility. Not paying your taxes can entail even more penalties and back taxes which add up. As taxes can be particularly stressful for freelancers, you must find the strength within yourself to pull through each hardship. Standing on your own two feet and due to your own labor is a matter of pride, and you should always treat it as such.

As quarterly taxes must be paid by April 15th, June 15th, September 15th and January 15th each year, one of the simplest ways of keeping track of your taxes is to note them down well ahead of time. By marking down the June 15th deadline on your calendar, for example, you will be able to remember and save money in time to make the payment.

5. Not Risking a Little

If so far you haven’t fall in the trap of the above-mentioned financial mistakes and have been financially responsible through and through, this last point is meant to remind you of the reason why you became a freelancer. Beyond the daily bonuses of organizing your own schedule and work, the essential upside of being your own boss is that you get to decide the path of your business.

As such, going down a riskier track that would give a higher reward is a choice that only you can make. After setting up a few safety nets like an emergency fund and managing to make steady payments to your retirement fund, a risky business move like putting your reputation on the line and going after a high-paying client may, in fact, be the financially advisable.

By avoiding these five financial mistakes that every freelancer makes, your activity will be profitable, safe and financially sound. Coupling fiscal responsibility with a knack for risky businesses, working as a freelancer will not only be enjoyable for you, but it will also ensure a high standard of life.

Are you a freelancer? What financial mistakes do you have to add in this list from your experience? Let us know in the comments below.

About the Author

Starting from a young age, Sean has had a passion for self-development and a healthy, positive lifestyle. Even if some obstacles came along the way, he managed to get past them with a good sense of humor and a strong mentality. Amongst other things, he is now a Content Editor for CalendarTable.com.

Successful people, especially those who are highly and financially successful, share some common traits.

What does success mean to you? To some people, success means acquiring vast amounts of riches, property, and associates. Yet, to others, success may have a completely different meaning. But despite the differences, there are common threads, filaments which weave through every highly accomplished and satisfied individual. These common threads are easy to distinguish from the others. They are by far, no average joes.

Common Threads

Traits of a highly successful person can mean effective financial decisions, saving tendencies and networking styles. This creates a rather large set of characteristics on which to base the successful individual. For the sake of keeping your attention, I will focus on the most important traits of go-getter!

Sacrifices

First, highly successful people make sacrifices. Before wealth ensues, they make decisions to drive used cars, own smaller homes and refrain from extravagant gifts for themselves. They see wealth as a future endeavor which can only be reached by making humble steps in the present. It just makes sense really.

Entrepreneurs

Those who have wealth are always on the lookout for more. This doesn’t necessarily mean they have their eye on the next get rich quick scheme, it could simply mean an extra $500 a month. This is the mark of a true entrepreneur, those who always look for a new opportunity to build their own empire -It may be slow, but stable.

Fearless

Highly successful people are not afraid to make difficult decisions. They are aware that dreams reside on the other side of obstacles, and with the right amount of hard work, anything is possible. They aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, so to speak, and fearless when it comes to risks.

Networking and association

Those who do well in life generally know how to network. Making connections with other like-minded individuals or businesses not only keep entrepreneurs focused but also continually offer new opportunities to grow wealth. Successful people always network, every chance they get. Aside from business networking, they also socialize with other successful people.

Leaders

What do all successful individuals have in common? You guessed it, they are most always leaders. Those who find wealth and prosperity in life don’t follow others to do so, it’s all about pushing ahead toward self-set goals. Leaders also notice much larger returns on their investments.

Focus

Keeping focused on priorities is one reason why people are successful. When taking one step at a time, and completing projects, rewards come easier for motivated people. As a matter of fact, when you utilize motivation with focus, this is a sure recipe for profit. A successful man is focused on the end game while working through the small details.

Success means different things to different people, but living a life devoted to your goals will help you establish rules to prosperity, the wealthy man has shown us this by example. There are many things which characterize highly successful people, but these traits will always send you in the right direction, toward fulfilling your dreams.

Utilize these tips to become a highly successful person.

References:

Be a Successful Entrepreneur, with Subliminal Meditation

Be a Successful Entrepreneur - Subliminal Meditation

Are you an entrepreneur and want to have more success with your business? Are you looking forward to starting your own business?

If you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you need to think like one. There are some key features that make an entrepreneur successful.

The video “Be a Successful Entrepreneur” will implant a strong entrepreneurial mindset into your subconscious, so you can do a good start-up or improve and grow the business you are already running. Try it here.

 

This article was originally created and published by Visual Meditation. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution (active link to this article) and author bio.