Stop! Just stop! I want you to refrain, from this day forward, from being a people pleaser. It’s unhealthy and it’s gradually breaking down your reserves. I know this because I used to be a please-all-people victim myself. Until I learned to live differently.

What is a people pleaser?

IF you have problems with saying no and feel unsatisfied if you cannot help someone, you may be a people pleaser. Those who are always striving to make others happy, by sacrificing their own happiness, are sometimes just called kind individuals. Sometimes, however, there’s too much sacrifice and not enough self-care. Before you realize the weight of your sacrifices, you may already be a people pleaser.

But there’s hope! You can change the way you see your life and the people around you. All you have to do is STOP! Stop trying to make everyone happy while losing yourself! Here are 8 ways you can change your life today!

1. Confrontation

The first thing you must do is confront the issue. Ask yourself a few questions to get started, such as, “Why can’t I say no?”, or “Who am I trying to impress?” When coming face to face with the facts, you can recognize your main obstacles. From here, you can start to change your ways.

2. Just say NO!

Start off slow. Practice saying no to people who are accustomed to hearing constant affirmations. Believe me, it’s okay to say no, to choose your own way for a change. Others use this word, and so should you. It will prove you have a backbone after all.

3. Know your Worth

As you practice saying no, spend some alone time. On those days that you chose not to go out, you can learn things about yourself, most importantly, your worth. Knowing your worth will help you transition from a people pleasure to a healthy individual. Knowing your worth helps you understand your limits as well, eliminating some of the stress from people pleasing tendencies.

4. Speak Up!

Another way to lose the self-sacrifice is to speak up about how you feel. If you’re in a group of people and you wish to be heard, practice making yourself noticeable. IT’s okay sometimes to draw attention to yourself if what you have to say is going to improve the conversation or strengthen your own reserves.

5. Do something for yourself

Spend some time doing nice things for yourself. Go shopping, eat at a nice restaurant or go for a walk -do all these things alone occasionally, and learn to appreciate yourself. It’s not just about helping others, sometimes it’s about helping yourself.

6. Compromise

If you’re confused about whether to help someone or not, compromise. Talk with people about your morals and limitations, and if they are stretching those boundaries, try a compromise. Although saying no is good, sometimes compromise is better. You have to be the judge of each situation.

7. Examine the roots of your problem

Examine deeper roots of why you always want to please others. Were you neglected as a child, or did you always feel the need to work harder than your siblings? You might be surprised by the past influencers in your life. Learn your negative roots and focus on your positive growth.

8. Dump those Toxic People

And finally, sometimes none of these tactics will work. IN that case, you may have to cut some people out of your life. These people, the ones who are never satisfied and make life harder for you than it should be, they are toxic people. Toxic people will destroy you and continue their lives as if nothing ever happened. Get rid of them immediately!

Stop being a people pleaser. You weren’t put on this earth to serve others and neglect your own well-being. Now is the time to use this strategy to improve your life, and maybe help others as well. After all, we are always a work in progress. Let’s be the best person we can be, and enjoy life to the fullest!

References:

These are 10 life lessons from the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Indian text dense with wisdom.

1. Change is the Law of The Universe

“What you have taken, Has been from here
What you gave has been given here

What belongs to you today
belonged to someone yesterday
and will be someone else’s tomorrow

Change is the Law of The Universe”

Nothing is constant. No-thing is permanent. True stillness comes from embracing movement – the ebb and flow of life. The earth is moving through space. Night follows day. Each moment is completely new. To be wise is to accept change. To be enlightened is to love change.

2. Everything Happens for a Reason

“Whatever happened was good
Whatever is happening is good
Whatever will happen will also be good”

This mindset empowers you. This mindset attracts more of the good. What has happened has happened. There is nothing more to be done. The future is a picture, an illusion. It will never come. It is always now. You control the present. Live it to the fullest.

Watch: Live in the Here and Now

3. Love the Process Without Depending on the Outcome

“Set thy heart upon thy work, but never on its reward.”

Never engage in action for the sake of reward. Do your work with love. Expect nothing. You are rewarded in the present. Do from a place of joy. Create from a place of no-mind. Give from a place of love.

4. Give Without Expecting Something in Return

“A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right person at the right time and at the right place, and when we expect nothing in return”

Be pure when giving. Love grows when shared. Give and you shall receive.

5. Let Go of Attachment

“You came here empty handed, and you will leave empty handed.”

Attachment to material things can weigh you down. We do not possess things, yet things can possess us. Sensory pleasures are short-lived. When they disappear they can cause suffering. The wise do not attach their happiness to such pleasures. They go beyond them. Take no possessions. Always travel light.

6. The Soul Is Eternal

“For the soul there is never birth nor death. Nor, having once been, does he ever cease to be. He is unborn, eternal, ever-existing, undying and primeval. He is not slain when the body is slain.”

Birth and death are of this realm. Birth and death are of the duality. Energy can never be created or destroyed; it transforms from one form to another. Energy is in essence non-dual. Consciousness is not of the human body.

7. We Are All One

“The man who sees me in everything
and everything within me
will not be lost to me, nor
will I ever be lost to him.
He who is rooted in oneness
realizes that I am
in every being; wherever
he goes, he remains in me.
When he sees all being as equal
in suffering or in joy
because they are like himself,
that man has grown perfect in yoga.”

Treat every being the same. Treat others as you want others to treat you. See the inherent goodness in all beings. See through labels and stories. We are all God. We are all One.

8. You Are What You Think You Are

“We behold what we are, and we are what we behold.”

“Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.”

Mind over matter. Think happy thoughts and you are happier. Know you can, and you can. Look for things to be grateful for. Look for the good. You will find it.

9. Meditate

“When meditation is mastered, the mind is unwavering like the flame of a lamp in a windless place.”

Meditation makes you happier. It is a timeless truth.

10. Dream Big

“We’re kept from our goal not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal.”

See it, feel it, become it. Have no fear when dreaming. Dream as big as you can. Let how you feel be your guide. Move your dream into the present moment to manifest it.

This post was originally published at Global Harmony Crew.

About the author

Vegard Paulsen is one of the two founders of Global Harmony Crew. Global Harmony Crew points you towards deep realization, and guides you towards powerful manifestation. For more timeless truths and life-enhancing material, join the crew by subscribing. You will get their video course on Inner Peace for free. Follow Global Harmony Crew on Facebook.

How can you develop a mindset of abundance?

There is enough for everyone in this world. The future is as bright as we want it to be. Things can seem to be bad when we focus on poverty, hunger, overconsumption and overpopulation. Being in a mindset of scarcity, of only saving money, of holding on to resources, believing that there is all kinds of lack, will attract more lack. Bring change by shifting your focus, by changing your paradigm, by having a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity.

Mindset of Abundance vs Mindset of Scarcity

Sure you have felt abundant in your lifetime. The feeling that good things seem to just come to you and happen for you is accompanying a mindset of abundance. Maybe it was a period where you were giving a lot, and noticed that you did not lack anything yourself. Perhaps you went on a winning streak in poker. Or a friend of yours attracts women effortlessly? All of these are a result of an abundant state of being. If you can feel that you have something, you will attract more of it.

A mindset of scarcity is the opposite. Life will confirm to you the scarcity you are expecting to see. By thinking that you cannot, you cannot. Your experience is a projection of your perspective. By focusing on all the things you can’t do e.g. due to not having enough money, not enough time, not enough skills, a lack of physical ability and so on you will spiral downward. Turn this around before you get into the downward spiral.

You can. Abundance is everywhere.

Commercials and media can help create a belief that we need more, we need to do more and become more. That we don’t already have enough. If we could just get that thing or do that thing that we saw someone have or do, we would be a little bit better. Relax and don’t engage in this chase. Just be. Content. Abundant. Naturally.

Our Civilization

Whether we know about every crime, every war, every corrupt person or group or have been raised without any news at all, we still have the same potential for creating a new earth. By being happy. By following our hearts. By knowing abundance. There are a lot of positive and magnificent feats the human race have managed to accomplish.

Peter H. Diamandis and Steven Kotler wrote the book Abundance: The Future Is Better Than You Think. It was published in 2012 and debuted at #1 on Amazon’s bestseller list. The book envisions a future where 9 billion people have access to clean water, food, energy, health care, education, and everything else that is necessary for a first world standard of living, all thanks to technological innovation. The book is a great example of one of the infinite ways in which abundance can play out.

The book has some really good points and is recommended for anyone looking for a positive perspective on how we humans can use science and technology to create a new earth. Technologies in computing, energy and medicine are improving at an exponential rate and allow independent innovators to achieve what today seems like impossible feats with little money or manpower.

How to Shift into Abundance

Knowing that you are abundant and that life is abundance is a great paradigm to be in. There are many ways you can shift your mindset into one of abundance. Here are some:

Get in the Mindset of “I Can”

Find a way in your mind to see that you can do everything, or at least that you could if you really wanted to. Get creative and see that you are able to think of ways in which you could do whatever it might be.

Think of Everything You Could Buy with Your Money

If you have a certain amount of money, i.e. 1000$, think of all the things you are able to afford with those 1000$. Two weeks on vacation? You could probably afford that. What else? Go skydiving a couple of times, buy a really good bike, etc.

Think in terms of using 1000$ for each of the things you want, like you have an unlimited number of that amount. By doing this you get into an abundant mindset without actually spending anything.

Be Grateful

By taking a few minutes to contemplate what you are most grateful for you get into a positive state where you focus on appreciating what you already have. By putting gratitude out into the universe, you will attract even more positivity into your life.

Give

Help out someone who is in greater need than you. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, or donate to charity. You can also give to someone that has more than you or a friend of yours. Give compliments, or smiles! Free hugs!

I share this information with you, abundant with tips on how to realize you are abundant, from my abundant creative mind. I also used the abundant resource “the internet”, and as knowledge and books are abundant I got inspired by one of those as well. Inspiration is really abundant. I hope this sparked some feelings of abundance in you!

H/T: Global Harmony Crew

You wouldn’t expect Jim Carrey, a well-known comedian and actor, to go out of his way to inspire people. The man has had a long, and successful career. Instead of taking the money and running, so to speak, Carrey is now using his influence to impart passionate words of wisdom to all of us.

Carrey has been talking a lot about living full lives, being happy, escaping fear, and living up to our full potential.

“Ultimately, we’re not the avatars we create. We’re not the pictures on the film stock. We are the light that shines through it. All else is just smoke and mirrors. Distracting, but not truly compelling. I can tell you from experience the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.”

 

Original source: higherperspectives.com

People by their nature, unlike the animals are not self-sufficient. This inborn desire they have, pushes them to constantly acquire material possessions. This false belief, that by acquiring a physical security is where they will find the key to happiness, makes them more prone and maniacs at consumption.

We have unconsciously transformed into slaves of our own desires and aspirations. But happiness is not a cheap suit which can be purchased at an affordable price. Over the years we see that this phenomenon has assumed enormous proportions and people gain an emotional dependence on acquiring more and more material goods.

Why is this so?

The reason for this is that people always think things that are not essential, and this is the source of the problem. It’s the thought about what we want, which has led us out of control. According to a statistic that took place on August 4, 2010, at the Techonomy Conference in Lake Tahoe, California, Eric Schmidt – CEO of Google said:

“There was 5 exabytes of information created between the dawn of civilization through 2003,” Schmidt said, “but that much information is now created every 2 days, and the pace is increasing…”

What is the result of all this thinking? Does it make us more joyful and happy or isolates and derails us from the real life experience?

Thinking leads to more thinking and more questions. The dilemma of modern society is that we want to know all the forces that have created the world and have guided its course not with our archaic internal consciousness but by thinking, using scientific means.

The false belief we have is that we understand the creation of the world as something outside of us, not as a living thing intrinsic to our own nature. It’s not wrong to desire to be awake and really happy; it is wrong to seek happiness somewhere “out there”, when in fact can only be found inside. The famous psychologist Carl Yung said: “One who looks outside, dreams; one who looks inside, awakes.”

Nowadays we more and more fill our minds with various and useless information. We are seduced and addicted to all kinds of images and explore new ways to appease our senses. We have created a data vortex that hovering around the planet to facilitate more thinking; more ideas on how to “build” the world and fix more problems that exist, simply because our mind created them.

What is the alternative of thinking? Can we use another mechanism to exist harmoniously in this world?

As we see the evolution of our culture to focus on exploration of physical reality through the use of thought and analysis, however ancient civilizations had developed sophisticated technologies for the exploration of their inner space. We can clearly see that the loss of our connection to our inner world created the imbalance on our planet.

The ancient saying “Know Thyself” has been replaced by the desire to know the outside world, the world of form. Answering the question “who am I?” is not simply a matter of describing what is on our business card. Man is not a collection of thoughts and ideas, but He who is the Observer of thoughts. We are usually exhausting our minds to find an answer like a dog chasing its tail. It is only the identity of the ego that is struggling to find an answer, a purpose.

We have to realize that we are not our thoughts. Our thinking is simply a tool, one of the six senses, which have been raised to a prestigious level that we identify ourselves with it. The truth can’t be found in more answers, but in fewer questions. As Joseph Campbell said, “I don’t think people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they looking for the experience of being alive.”

In every religious tradition and philosophical conviction, it is considered that a silent mind is all we need to realize the natural flow of life. In that peace and tranquility our inner energies wake up and work without effort on our part, Wei Wu Wei «Doing, not doing” – the famous effortless action of Tao Te Ching.

Many important personalities talked about the importance of our inner world.

Leo Tolstoy – author of War and Peace, said: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Aristotle described the Golden Mean, the middle between two extremes, as the path of beauty, not too much effort, but too little either. Buddha spoke about the Middle Way, the path leading to enlightenment, Yin and Yang in perfect balance.

By Miranda P. – inspired by the documentary film “Inner Worlds, Outer Worlds”.