Overcoming Victim Consciousness through Forgiveness

Many of us may be on a path of spiritual and/or self-development and growth. However, we can still get caught up in victim consciousness without realizing it. We may be practicing deep awareness and be able to watch our responses to our life situations. Yet, we may still not be free of archetypal victimization patterns passed down through our ancestors.

Sometimes, we need to dig deep to realize. What is at the bottom of our limiting and false beliefs is a sense of being made out to be a victim. Further, this victimization served us in the past. So, our ego will still try and lock into this default setting with its deep roots to get sympathy. We seek love, affection, recognition, and a myriad of other things the ego may need to inflate its sense of self-worth.

Self-Love and Courage to Balance the Sense of Loss

Self-forgiveness, which is not a well-known practice to many of us, can be a wonderful way to release some of these ties to victim consciousness. As we are all energetically connected, self-healing through forgiveness can also heal ancestral and current victim patterns in those around us. However, letting ourselves off the hook for past mistakes is no easy task.

And it takes enormous work at times. We need self-love, courage, and the desire to remove the feeling of a being a victim, even to our own selves. It takes focus on our heart center, on the feeling of love, and the looping of that feeling through our solar plexus (our power center) and then back through our heart center. It takes filling our hearts with love for ourselves. We might choose to give ourselves the same love that we so generously offer to others. This puts us on a much better plane to offer ourselves forgiveness, as well.

Heal Victim Consciousness with Forgiveness and Boundaries

Another huge part of releasing victim consciousness is through the forgiveness of others. Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness is a most incredible teaching on how to engage in this practice on a soul level. Colin talks about viewing the transgressions of others that we are so hurt and angered by as perfect interactions that our high-self sets up for us to heal ourselves. So that what happens “to” us is changed to what happens “for” us. When realize this, we can release the anger around what happened and release the feelings of needing the other person to “pay”, and thus we release our mindset around being a victim.

We must learn to say no to things that we don’t want to do. Start by accepting that we are going to disappoint people we love sometimes. They will recover from this are “tip of the iceberg“ steps that can be taken in order not to develop resentment towards others that puts us on a train eventually bound for victim-land. It seems almost an ingrained, cultural and societal construct that we people-please and are afraid to say no to others.

Patterns that Reinforce Victim Consciousness

We don’t want to hurt the feelings of those we care about, so we say yes. By agreeing to ways we don’t want to be spending our time, this devalues what our experiences mean to us. Observe these long-standing patterns and take steps to turn the tide toward honoring our time. Being open and honest with one another can bring small steps that will help to heal the bigger picture of victim consciousness.

And once we start seeing the little things that make us feel trapped, we get more used to the inner exploration. This observance of our own patterns tells us how we get what we want and need. Most often we are unaware of just how frequently we might fall prey to playing the victim. We might tell ourselves “I am so alone” when we simply have a feeling of loneliness.

Ways to Refrain from Prejudicial Chatter

We may tell our self “no one understands me” after one conversation with someone who just wasn’t getting us. We may say “everyone is always screwing me over” after one colleague didn’t follow through with something they had promised. These events activate what Eckhart Tolle terms our “pain body.” It is that part that sees ourselves as a victim, and looks for ways to serve in that role.

We can look at it from a higher-self-perspective. Simply because we feel lonely, misunderstood or hurt, we are, in fact, not a victim. We are simply our spiritual selves having a human experience of the polarization of feelings. And if we can look at it that way, without judgment of it and making ourselves out to be a victim, there will be an immensely greater amount of room for learning and healing, both of which humanity is hungry for right now. And, thus, we establish ourselves as part of the shift away from victim consciousness.

This article was originally created and published on OMTimes.

About the author

Heather O’Neill is a personal life coach and Reiki Master Teacher. She helps clients throw out their head trash. Heather, an empath and intuitive, works on clearing energetic blocks to reclaim personal power through choosing our thoughts rather than our thoughts choosing us. As a certified Law of Attraction coach, Heather has a keen understanding of how to work with the universal laws to create lives that unfold as we truly want them to. Heather helps clients go beyond egoic reactions to life’s challenges and to see them from the broader perspective of the high-self, which enables us to experience the most growth heatheroneillcoaching.com.

Use these psychology hacks to improve the outcome of any social situation.

Social situations are among the most important in our lives. Psychologists who have a keen eye for details keep discovering new behavioral patterns that are believed to be rooted in our childhood and can be applied to everyone.

This list of psychology hacks hopefully will improve your communication skills and make your life easier in social situations.

1. Do you want to know if someone likes you?

Each time that a person uses a word, or a synonym of that word, nod, and smile. If the person likes you, they will start using that word all the time. From this point on, act accordingly.

2. If you want people to agree with you, try this.

When you are speaking to a person, maintain eye contact and nod. The ‘nod’ means ‘everything I am saying is true.’ People tend to like mimicking, so they will most probably nod back while you talk. This will subsequently communicate to their brains that they have to agree with you.

This one is powerful and also a bit manipulative. So, use it with your own responsibility and in an ethical way.

3. Want to see if someone is paying attention to what you are saying? Fold your arms.

Usually when we are in the middle of a conversation and especially if we talk about something very important to us, we get lost in our talking and rarely pay attention to whether the other person is following us or not.

So, instead of losing time talking to a person who is distracted and might not even be interested in what you are saying, do this: fold your arms while talking and see if the other person follows your movements. If the other person is observing you and pays attention, they will most likely mimic you.

4. Is that person staring at me?

If you would like to find out if someone is staring at you, yawn. Then, look there way. If the person yawns too, they are watching you, because yawning is contagious.

5. Want to know who likes who in a group of people?

Make a joke that is laughter inducing, and then glance around the group. People will immediately glance at the person in the group they feel closest to as they laugh.

6. Pay attention to people’s feet.

If you approach two people in the middle of a conversation and they only turn their torsos and not their feet, they don’t want you to join in the conversation.

Similarly, if you are in a conversation with a coworker who you think is paying attention to you and their torso is turned towards you but their feet are facing in another direction, they want the conversation to end.

7. Having trouble remembering names? Repeat the other person’s name during the conversation.

Remembering names is very important because we feel important when someone mentions us. So the moment you meet someone, repeat his name.

Example: “Hi. my name is Alex.” “Nice to meet you Alex. So, Alex how do you know John?” Then, continue to repeat his name for a few more times throughout the conversation.

8. Assume comfort in any interaction.

Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. We think we have control over it but it usually dictates our actions unconsciously.

In most of the social situations, we find it difficult to feel comfortable among strangers because our brain tries to protect us from an unknown environment.

This, however, isn’t helping us when trying to be social and meet new people, is it?

This is why assuming comfort is so powerful. Commanding your brain to feel that you already know the person you are about to meet, puts you in a position of advantage. It increases the chances of people showing interest in you and consequently even liking you.

9. If you want people to feel good, give them validation. Rephrase what they just told you.

We love validation. Most of our actions are the outcome of our need for validation. So what is the best way to get people to like you? Give them what they need, of course.

A simple example is when you are in a conversation with another person and he says something really important for him. After he finishes, rephrase what he just said in your own words. This will make him think that you are a good listener and that you are really interested in what he says. That makes him feel he is the center of attention.

10. If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer, just wait. They will keep talking.

This is a very common situation when you don’t know the other person that well or your question wasn’t clear enough. If they finish the answer without providing a full answer, just wait. Stay silent and keep eye contact. If the tension becomes unbearable, raise your eyebrows. It puts a bit of pressure on them but it communicates that you show interest. It also sub-communicates that you are a person that usually gets what he wants.

11. Confidence is more important than knowledge.

Two young candidates walked into the interview office to apply for the same job. The first one had a Ph.D., two Masters and a Bachelor’s degree. The second one had just a Bachelor. The first one was kind of shy, didn’t talk much, his body language was turned inward. The second one had an upright posture, was looking the interviewers directly in the eyes, showed a lot of interest in the job and his answers were emitting confidence. We don’t have to tell you who got the job.

12. Fake it until you make it.

No one became an expert on anything over night. However, the learning process in everything you do is accelerated by commanding your brain to think what you want it to think.

In simple words. You are what you believe you are. You are confident if you believe you are confident. You are attractive if you believe you are attractive. You are extrovert if you believe you are extrovert If you want to look deeper into this idea look up two words: Neuroplasticity and brain rewiring.

13. If you want to be persuasive, try and reduce the use of the words “I think” and “I believe.”

I don’t really feel the need to elaborate on this one. Obviously, these words do not evoke confidence and the other person will most probably not take you seriously. Change them to ‘I know’ and ‘I will’ instead.

14. A clean and organized environment affects your mood, productivity, and others perception of who you are.

How many times have you waken up without any motivation at all? How many times have you started working on something without being able to get focused and inspired?

Next time this happens, take a look around you. Is your environment clean and well-organized? If not, take some minutes to clean it up and put everything into place. You will feel refreshed and reborn and productivity will spark immediately. But not only that, you will come across as caring and punctual, two highly esteemed traits.

Why do you think most of the big companies pay so much attention to creating the best working environment for their employees? They know what makes them happy and how it affects their productivity.

15. When someone insults you, either ignore him or mock him. Never lose temper.

Haters are everywhere. The more you feed them with hate, the stronger they become. Never lose your temper. This is a great example of how to deal with a hater.

16. Stand up straight, hands out of your pockets and always keep eye contact.

Do the following:

  • Keep a straight posture and walk like a born leader. This sub-communicates confidence and others will respect you automatically.
  • Keep your hands out of your pockets. If you don’t know what to do with them, it is better to fold your arms rather than keep them inside your pockets.
  • You have heard this a thousand times. Here is the 1001st. – never lose eye contact! Losing eye contact is like losing your confidence. One cool trick when first meeting someone is to focus on their eye color and smile at the same time. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, and taking the extra second to gaze shows you are confident and present. (Be sure to move your eyes away periodically, a constant stare will probably creep people out.)

17. Don’t be afraid to touch another person.

Touching someone on the shoulder or their knees create an emotional and physical bond. Especially during moments of joy, laughter, and excitement touching positively reinforce these traits.

18. If you work in a bar or in customer service of any kind.

Put a mirror behind you at the counter. When an angry customer approaches you, he will have to see himself in the mirror and will most probably calm down. Nobody likes ruining his image.

19. Chew gum if you are nervous.

Evolutionarily speaking, our brain assume that if we are eating then we aren’t in any immediate danger, so the fight or flight response is weakened.

20. Refer to people by their name.

If you’ve just met someone, refer to them by their name. People loving being referred to by their name and this will establish a sense of trust and friendship immediately.

21. Want to ace an interview?

People tend to remember the beginning and end of an event. Because of that, try to start and end the interview strongest. The middle will most likely be a blur, so during that time, if you don’t do so well, you should still do well overall.

Do you have some other interesting psychology hacks to suggest? Share them in the comments below.

References:

Photo: Source

Comparing yourself to others all the time is a mark of low self-esteem.

“Theirs is bigger, louder and prettier than mine, and I want what they have.”

This statement is so common that it’s scary. We may not be vocal when we feel this way, but we sure do think about it till we can’t sleep at night. We think about what others have every single day, and we covet those things. It’s called comparison, and it’s a poison waiting to take you out.

But it’s time to stop this unhealthy habit.

Analyzing Comparisons

So, we compare things. We compare jobs, relationships, and looks, and we do this because we always feel short ended. If only we could improve our this and that, we would be okay, perfected and ready to move on to bigger things. But that’s just it, after improving one thing, we find another, and this leads to an endless struggle of comparisons.

And not only does this waste precious time, but comparing yourself to others is ludicrous. For one, most people make a simple mistake that leads to low self-esteem, while striving to have something that a friend or loved one has, even a stranger. This mistake is comparing your own weaknesses to the strengths of others, which is already an unequal situation.

So just stop!

Yes, this is a bad thing. To compare yourself to others is to constantly be in turmoil and self-depreciation. But you can stop this cycle, once you’ve gotten to the place where you believe it to be detrimental. There are many ways to see this unhealthy habit for what it is and stop it in its tracks.

1. Change your focus

Instead of focusing on comparisons between yourself and others, try comparing you with you. Yes, I know it sounds strange, but it’s healthy. What I mean is comparing what you’ve done with what you are doing or will do in the future. What have you accomplished? What are your goals?

Focusing on a comparison such as this diverts attention from others and their business, which you shouldn’t be concerned with in the first place. This process also promotes growth and deep fulfillment.

2. Recognize the Source

As with most anything else in life, the source must be pinpointed for the problem to be eliminated. Ask yourself a few questions: Why are you so concerned with being like others? What do they have that you do not? As you face these truths about yourself, you will be analyzing your self-esteem, which is the root of the problem.

If your self-esteem is low, then others will seem more accomplished, more beautiful and much more kind than you. This is not true, and in order to come to this realization, you must know why you doubt. It could be past trauma or a failed relationship. Let’s face it, it could be several things.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

3. Practice being thankful

One of the reasons we compare ourselves to others is because we want what we do not have. But keep in mind, those others also lack things that you may have. The best practice is the practice of being grateful for what you have, and not be coveting toward others. This feeling fuels comparison and usually leaves you feeling empty most of the time.

4. Always be kind

Comparisons come from the way we feel about ourselves -namely when we have a negative self-image. How we feel about ourselves, in turn, comes from how we treat others. Do you see the cycle here? Treating others with kindness will greatly improve our self-image and this reduces our need to compare.

5. Put things into perspective

Sometimes you might not realize why you feel competitive with others. Suddenly, you notice how you are always comparing one thing to another with numerous people. One way to put these things into perspective is to write down your thoughts.

Keeping a journal of your thoughts will help you sort through both your negative and positive feelings. Not only will this reveal the truth about your insecurities, but it will also serve as therapy for your comparison addiction. Writing things down always helps you gain clarity on most any issue.

6. Take control of your life

One sure way to stop comparing yourself to others is to take control of your life’s decisions. Don’t just sit around and wish you had something that someone else has. You must do something about it. To achieve similar goals in your life, you must put forward similar efforts as those who are successful. Wishing and hoping for what someone else has will only make you bitter in the long run.

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!”

– Jennie Finch

Yes! Take back control!

So just stop doing that. There’s no point in comparing yourself to others. It makes you forget the real reason why you do what you do. Comparisons get your sidetracked, angry and self-esteem drops as well, so this unhealthy habit must go!

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
– Lao Tzu

I hope these words have inspired you to appreciate yourself and have a healthy appreciation for others as well. Keep striving toward your goals and dreams, and whenever you feel like comparing yourself to others, just remember that everyone has their imperfections.

Somewhere, someone, may be comparing themselves to you as well. Just a thought…

References:

Photo credits: Can Stock Photo

This article was originally created and published by Visual Meditation. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution (active link to this article) and author bio.

In this modern society, we are all programmed with fixed mental patterns, from birth onwards.

Your nationality, your race, your religion, your environment, your expectations, your family’s economic status. All of these of things are mental patterns, programmed (recorded) into your subconscious mind as you are growing up.

Now these things are here for a reason. Back in the cave man days, these subconscious programs were relied upon to keep you alive. To allow you to gain an unshakeable understanding of, not only the environment you were living in but also the societal structure and any social norms which you had to adhere to, lest you be cast out from the social group!

They may have served a purpose back then but these days they are simply keeping you trapped in the same circumstances while the world moves forward without you!

Analyze how your mind works

Everyone’s mental patterns will, of course, be unique to them as an individual. Therefore, if you ever hope to break free and start creating the life you’ve always wanted, you MUST analyze your own mind and take stock of who you THINK you are versus who you REALLY are and who you WANT to become. Once you’ve done this, you can begin using the reality of these subconscious programs to your benefit.

Begin by looking at the following areas of your life and ask yourself “Is this what I want or Is this what my SUBCONSCIOUS wants?”:

  • Your Relationship(s)
  • Your Friends
  • Your Job/Career
  • Your Mental State
  • Your Feeling Of Deservingness
  • Your Idea Of Whether You Can Succeed In Life

Take a good, hard look at yourself and meditate on the above points, trying to find the root of where they came from and how they got there. Obviously, this will take some time and a lot of self-introspection, which can be uncomfortable for some people. Sometimes facing yourself is the most terrifying thing you can do, because once you know these mental patterns can be changed, you will be forced to take full responsibility for your life’s circumstances. The good and the bad. Everything is the way it is, because of you and what you have manifested or not manifested into your life.

So, take stock of yourself and your thoughts one by one. Begin to build a conscious idea of who your subconscious mind believes you are. Make a list if it helps. It is often quite startling at how different the subconscious mind’s idea of its self-image really is. You may be capable of having a good job, yet it believes you are poor so it manifests either no job, a bad interview or gets you fired soon after you have found one.

The good news is that once you have begun to notice these little mental patterns (programs) and how and why they are created, you will notice (and overcome) more and more of them every day. You have trained your mind to see the lies within it and you will have given your mind the tools to change it.

So don’t be a victim to your thoughts. Don’t be a victim of circumstances. Don’t be a victim of the beliefs of other people! Change your life today!

Often we hear the term self-esteem. But, what does it mean?

Self-esteem is the acceptance of oneself in its wholeness, both of our strengths and positive characteristics and our negative traits and weaknesses. It is essentially the degree to which we value, respect and accept ourselves.

How Low Self-Esteem Develops?

Low self-esteem is a very common phenomenon and one of the main reasons one needs psychotherapy in order to strengthen it. It is largely determined by the experiences one had with familiar persons (parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.) from the beginning of his life.

When a baby begins to perceive that is no longer one with his mother, but a different entity, then begins to shape its self-image. This happens at about the first 12-18 months of his life and completed at the end of puberty.

If someone grows up in an environment where relationships with familiar persons are positive and empowering, the more likely it is to develop a positive self-image. Conversely, if indifference, lack of attention, affection, care, recognition and reward, comparisons, excessive expectations, disrespect, coldness, criticism, neglect, and condemnation dominate, the more likely it is that he will have a low self-esteem.

The lower self-esteem a child has, the easier it becomes an adolescent and then an adult with a negative image of himself. This happens because once this image has taken shape, the person tends to express it through his behavior into adulthood, thus accompanying in all aspects of his life, making his interpersonal relationships difficult.

Low self-esteem leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction with ourselves, a sense that we’re not entitled and not deserve to have a lot in life and in our relationships, feelings of disadvantage and inferiority, intense internal conflicts, sadness, unfulfilled needs and desires.

The self-image can be changed and it’s possible one to learn to love and respect himself and begin to see himself from another, more positive perspective.

Let’s see below in what ways one can improve his self-esteem:

1. Stop Comparisons

Do not enter the process of comparing yourself with others. Do not forget that every person is unique. The ideal is to compare yourself only with you and your accomplishments.

2. Be Realistic

Make sure you put realistic goals. Putting too high standards and unrealistic goals is the perfect way to experience frustration and disappointment. Divide each target to smaller ones. Once you conquer one, move on to the next.

3. Let Go of Perfectionism

Stop looking for and chasing perfection. Perfectionism can paralyze you from taking action because you become so afraid of not living up to some standard. And so, you procrastinate, you don’t get the results you expect, and your self-esteem lowers. Remember, the perfect does not exist and it is the enemy of confidence.

Watch: Stop Procrastination

4. Think About What You Are Proud Of

Devote every day 5-10 minutes to think about what you did in the day, and for which you feel proud of yourself. It may be something that seems very simple, however, it is significant (eg. you helped an elderly to cross the road, you collaborated very well with your colleagues etc.).

5. Learn from Your Mistakes

Do not feel bad if you do something wrong or fail on something. Mistakes are always instructive and valuable, and learning opportunities for growth and development. Learn from them and don’t give up!

6. Do the Things You Enjoy and You Are Good on Them

Sure you have talent on specific hobbies. Identify the things you enjoy doing and usually score well on them. This will give you an inner appreciation.

7. Avoid Negative People

Try to avoid people that through continuous sterile and negative criticism, devaluation and caustic comments cultivate doubts about yourself. Spend more time with supportive people that will make you feel comfortable, positive, and help you grow.

8. Do Something Positive for You

Reward and do often something positive for yourself. This may be a trip, a gift for yourself, doing an activity of your choice, such as going to a dance school or a gym.

After reading all these, you might think your own ways to improve your self-esteem. After all, you are the one who chooses which path you will follow in the course of your life. Psychotherapy also helps a lot to improve your self-esteem.

Also, through the journey of self-awareness, you have the opportunity to understand the obstacles that alienated you from yourself, the whys of your low self-esteem. Mostly, it depends on you!

H/T: marpscyhology.gr